THE HAGUE — In what experts are calling the most successful “escape from fascism” since that one guy tried to flee to Canada in 2016 by paddling a kayak, 76 transgender Americans have discovered that the Netherlands’ legendary progressive utopia is actually a muddy field full of sleeping bags and regret.
According to Dutch officials, not a single one of the brave migrants has been granted asylum. “We love trans people,” a government spokesman clarified while sipping a 14-euro coffee. “We just don’t love them enough to let them stay here instead of, you know, America.”
Eyewitnesses at the Ter Apel refugee center describe conditions as “basically Guantanamo but with worse food and more passive-aggressive Dutch people.” One asylum seeker, still clutching her “Trans Rights Are Human Rights” sign like a security blanket, told reporters, “I left because Trump was going to make life unbearable. Now I share a tarp with 47 strangers and a family of raccoons. At least in America the raccoons have health insurance.”
Meanwhile, back in the oppressive hellscape of the United States, citizens continue to suffer under the brutal regime of… existing. Sources confirm the fugitives are now considering a bold new plan: fleeing the refugee camp for the even safer haven of Belgium.
Gabe Utsecks is a senior correspondent for TDS News and has never once been to the Netherlands, which is probably why he still thinks it’s a paradise.
www.theguardian.com
According to Dutch officials, not a single one of the brave migrants has been granted asylum. “We love trans people,” a government spokesman clarified while sipping a 14-euro coffee. “We just don’t love them enough to let them stay here instead of, you know, America.”
Eyewitnesses at the Ter Apel refugee center describe conditions as “basically Guantanamo but with worse food and more passive-aggressive Dutch people.” One asylum seeker, still clutching her “Trans Rights Are Human Rights” sign like a security blanket, told reporters, “I left because Trump was going to make life unbearable. Now I share a tarp with 47 strangers and a family of raccoons. At least in America the raccoons have health insurance.”
Meanwhile, back in the oppressive hellscape of the United States, citizens continue to suffer under the brutal regime of… existing. Sources confirm the fugitives are now considering a bold new plan: fleeing the refugee camp for the even safer haven of Belgium.
Gabe Utsecks is a senior correspondent for TDS News and has never once been to the Netherlands, which is probably why he still thinks it’s a paradise.
‘No other option’: inside the refugee camp for trans Americans fleeing Trump
Fear, abuse and eroding rights have forced many trans people to leave the US – can they claim asylum in the Netherlands?
