"Official" Thread Assorted Funny $hit

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Can't make this stuff up...

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When Peppermint Patty's MSNBC show got cancelled, she resorted to OnlyFans to sell her body since she already sold her soul as WH Press Secretary...

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no4mk1t said:
And when you see a familiar name, you secretly say to yourself, I won!
😎


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LOL! No shit... true story. A couple years ago, I flew to be with my Dad (turning 86 in a week) during his bladder cancer surgery. At the house, he and I were reminiscing about the old days and talked about his friends (who I knew growing up). They're all dead. He then produced and hand-made spreadsheet on paper. (I should mention my dad is an engineer.)

The spreadsheet was a list of all his old friends and coworkers. Columns for name, date of death, age at death, cause of death.

As I scanned down the list.... at the very bottom is my dad's own name... with all the columns blank except at the far right... He placed a yellow smiley face sticker that looks like this: :)
 
A guy I know did something similar. The exit to his neighborhood was at a 6 lane divided road. Every day, he couldn't exit left because the turn lane was clogged with cars making a U-turn. A right turn to exit resulted in a 1/2 mile drive down to a light and backtrack.

He purchased a No U-turn sign online. Rented a white pickup truck that looked like a city owned truck. Obtained orange traffic cones and an orange safety vest. Went out during normal business hours, set up the cones and installed the No U-turn sign on the existing post.

It lasted about 5 years before some Karen reported it and the city took it down. It took ten minutes and provided 5 years of a clear lane to turn left. We joked that he should have hired several workers to stand around watching the work and spent at least half a day putting it up to mimic city workers.
 
bkbrno said:
A guy I know did something similar. The exit to his neighborhood was at a 6 lane divided road. Every day, he couldn't exit left because the turn lane was clogged with cars making a U-turn. A right turn to exit resulted in a 1/2 mile drive down to a light and backtrack.

He purchased a No U-turn sign online. Rented a white pickup truck that looked like a city owned truck. Obtained orange traffic cones and an orange safety vest. Went out during normal business hours, set up the cones and installed the No U-turn sign on the existing post.

It lasted about 5 years before some Karen reported it and the city took it down. It took ten minutes and provided 5 years of a clear lane to turn left. We joked that he should have hired several workers to stand around watching the work and spent at least half a day putting it up to mimic city workers.
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He needs to do it again, but this time be more creative. Add Between 5pm and 7pm to the sign, or whenever the time of congestion occurs. This will suggest that the city did a traffic flow survey and determined a need. And maybe the Karen's u-turn needs are at a different time and she won't complain this time. ;)
 
Racer88 said:
LOL! No shit... true story. A couple years ago, I flew to be with my Dad (turning 86 in a week) during his bladder cancer surgery. At the house, he and I were reminiscing about the old days and talked about his friends (who I knew growing up). They're all dead. He then produced and hand-made spreadsheet on paper. (I should mention my dad is an engineer.)

The spreadsheet was a list of all his old friends and coworkers. Columns for name, date of death, age at death, cause of death.

As I scanned down the list.... at the very bottom is my dad's own name... with all the columns blank except at the far right... He placed a yellow smiley face sticker that looks like this: :)
Click to expand...
Might need to do that myself. Already have had a handful that are gone, and in a few more years, they'll start dropping like flies. 😯
I left the area where I grew up soon after HS and have only been in contact with a couple of the guys I grew up with. They tell me at least 10% of my graduating HS class has passed...and that was several years ago, so probably 15% by now.

As mentioned in the post about Alaska, Gramps would buy a spiral notebook and hand line it out as an expense log for each trip. I still have one of them. He wasn't an engineer but still had an OCD streak in him. The only way peeps today do that is if there's an algorithm tracking their spending for them. No one would take the time to do it old school anymore.
 
Racer88 said:
The spreadsheet was a list of all his old friends and coworkers. Columns for name, date of death, age at death, cause of death.
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I'm not one to dwell on death or dead people but occasionally I'll think to myself "I wonder what happened to so-and-so?" and I'll do a search of their name and our home town where we grew up. It's been been about an 8/10 kill ratio lately. :( Some are expected, guys I knew who had a penchant for yayo and/or needles. :eek: :( Others were unexpected, healthy guys with a trade and a future.

One guy in the latter category was in one of my dreams the other night. I NEVER remember my dreams and don't recall the specifics but it was not like we were on an adventure but more he was in the room that happened to be the destination. Lately there have been dead people in my dreams--wonder if that has any underlying meaning? 🤔
 
Bobster said:
I'm not one to dwell on death or dead people but occasionally I'll think to myself "I wonder what happened to so-and-so?" and I'll do a search of their name and our home town where we grew up. It's been been about an 8/10 kill ratio lately. :( Some are expected, guys I knew who had a penchant for yayo and/or needles. :eek: :( Others were unexpected, healthy guys with a trade and a future.

One guy in the latter category was in one of my dreams the other night. I NEVER remember my dreams and don't recall the specifics but it was not like we were on an adventure but more he was in the room that happened to be the destination. Lately there have been dead people in my dreams--wonder if that has any underlying meaning? 🤔
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You get to a point where when you talk to someone you haven't heard from for a while you're afraid to ask if they've talked to any of the old gang for fear one or more of them is gone.
 
Every once in a while, I’ll check the alumni page to see who passed. One common theme I’ve seen is, if you have an alcohol or drug addiction, it typically leads to a much earlier death.
 
no4mk1t said:
He needs to do it again, but this time be more creative. Add Between 5pm and 7pm to the sign, or whenever the time of congestion occurs. This will suggest that the city did a traffic flow survey and determined a need. And maybe the Karen's u-turn needs are at a different time and she won't complain this time. ;)
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Unfortunately, he died of cancer a few years ago. This is cold and cruel but he would whole heatedly agree, not his problem anymore. That's how he was.

I don't live near that neighborhood or I would take up the fight.
 

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